More Random Ramblings: Things are picking up edition

The old Pink Dell sold! It's being shipped in the morning. The battery never sold though. This makes me sad.

I've got some of my debts cleared up for now. This makes me happy. Getting holiday pay + overtime + paid for selling stuff is a big help.

I'm now well into the second chapter of my futuristic, sci-fi, cyber-punk novel. Nearly all of it has been written on the bus. Not lie. I guess I should thank PSTA for that, but their service still sucks and the bus I was on tonight smelled like shit and piss.

Speaking of feverishly typing while on the bus, it's really fucking rude to look over someone's shoulder when they are doing such. And if you are being so fucking rude, don't bitch about what you see. Case in point, The other day I was on the bus typing away. This crabby old wretch behind me looks over my shoulder and starts bitching at me about the scantly-clad anime girl on my desktop. I've got a pretty big screen so it's silly to maximize my word processor. She got told to stop looking and mind her own fucking business. I have to say though, that incident was not anywhere near as funny as the old homeless woman that thought I was typing something about her.

Is it just the places I shop, or have the receipts from discount department stores been getting longer? Seriously, WTF? Why in the ever loving fuck do I need 2 feet of paper when I only purchased 2 cans of Monster? And there was a whole lot of shit printed on this receipt too. Return policies, some thing about a survey, some other thing about a rewards card. Really, just save yourself the paper and print me a nice, short, simple receipt like back in the olden days. Fuck you and fuck your 2 foot receipt! Fuck you straight up the ass with a cheese grater!

So I have this urge to bake stuff. I'm not sure why. If I had a vagina I'd think that either I was pregnant or my biological clock was ticking. Maybe it is ticking. I mean I'm almost 34 and I don't have kids. I kinda want one or two. I'm not in a position to be a good parent though. But at the least, I want to bake things like cookies, cupcakes, pies, cheesecake. Yeah, kinda weird, right? I mean I like to cook, but baking? Not something I usually do.

If my co-workers still read this, I wonder if they are expecting me to bring something in. I might. They do it, I guess I could too. Maybe.

Speaking of my co-workers, one of them got divorced. CONGRATS!!!!!! is she's reading this that is.

If you noticed the links, I signed up for the Amazon Associates program. So now I have product links in my blog. I am trying to make some comedy of it. Or at least make cool links. I get paid if you click them, more if you buy something. I think that's how it works.

I've got this rather obnoxious, stupid, loser starting shit with me on TOL. The guy is 30, single, still a virgin, lives at home, works in a pizza shop and has no education or life experience to speak of, yet he speaks like he thinks he's some sort of an authority. Amusingly enough, Adam Briggs is his pastor. The really funny thing is that he has me on ignore yet still talks trash. Seems a bit cowardly. But look at the spineless piece of shit he's got for a spiritual leader.

That's it for this installment. Drop me a comment, I'd like to know what anyone reading this has to say.

So what have I been up to lately?

Quite a bit. Honestly, I spend most of my time exhausted when I'm not doing stuff, but it keeps me out of trouble. Here's some of the highlights:

Thanks for the overtime, could have done without the bad mouthing though.

So Tuesday morning I had to call the GSM of the hotel I work for because there it was 7:15 am, I'm all alone, she's the only one on the schedule and I just heard from one of the maintenance guys that there was an accident that may have been on her route to work. Now I thought I was nice and respectful, I even felt a bad about waking her up, but according to what I have been told, she had a bit of a different story. I'm not sure exactly what was said, but apparently I was shitty to her. I also heard she got corrected by the same maintenance guy that was present when I called her. Oddly enough, when I called her back later on because I noticed I left with the desk keys she didn't seem to have a problem with me then or when I saw her Friday when I picked up my check. Heck, she was pretty nice both times. I thought about confronting her about it, but I'll be over it once I'm done typing this.

Yeah, I'm over it.

Look Mom, I know you are trying to help me here, but I'd rather carry 100 pounds of lead than 10 pounds of feathers!

Well, my mom is out of the hospital, but not quite 100%. I've been helping her out. Kinda wish I could do more. One big thing though is doing the grocery shopping for my parents. May not seem like a big deal, but try carting a weeks worth of groceries across town taking buses and walking. Every week it's the same thing when my mother is giving me the list - she keeps worrying about the weight of the things, I'm worried about size. I'm built like an ox, I can carry a lot of weight. I'm not very big though, and my backpack can only hold so much. I try to keep it limited to a full backpack and 2 bags. I don't care if the backpack is full of canned goods, that's cool. But when I'm carrying a family size box of waffles, a bag of hoagie rolls, a big bag of chips, etc. well space gets to be at a premium. And in case anyone it wondering, my father can devour a family size box of waffles in a few days all by himself.

And speaking of my father....

There's some program he's on now. It's like a day care for geezers. As opposed to putting them in a nursing home. I'm thinking it's not very good. He goes on the days my mom is at dialysis. So my mom has to get him ready before dialysis and usually take care of him when he gets home. He's come home a few times with a Depends full of shit and piss. Also, I don't know what they are feeding him there, but his blood sugar has been higher than ever a few times afterwards. The program he's on is called PACE. I don't know all the details, but if things don't straighten out, expect a rather big long rant from me after we get him out of the program.

And all that being said....

It's getting up on the end of my shift here at work, which means my computer time will be significantly limited until I come back to work. I still need to buy a new laptop. I still can't afford it. Well I could afford it just fine if I was not going to DragonCon.

BTW, you can help me in a small way be clicking on the Google ads, or in a slightly bigger way by clicking on the "tip jar" in the corner.

Another update on my father

I got a lot going through my head. A few days ago I was talking to my close friend and virtual big sister, Meg, about my feeling like I need to make some level of peace with my father. He's got one foot in the grave and another on a banana. There's a rather long list of things that's wrong with him. I don't think he's going soon, but let's just say it looks pretty grim. Most anyone that has known me long enough knows I haven't gotten along with him hardly at all in my adult life. I still care about him on some level, not sure why.

One thing that was brought to my attention in talking to Meg was that I have never really done anything wrong by him. While it was a conscious effort or not, he has managed to totally alienate me from him. It should be the other way around. He's too stubborn, too full of himself, too set in his ways for that. I'm not expecting it.

I think another issue I'm contending with is not the need to make peace but the need for some level of approval. Something I really never had. My mom told me a few times that he is proud of me, but he never said it, never showed it, never seemed to care. At least not in my adult life. I was the first in either side of the family to graduate college, and graduated with honors. He actually looks down on me for it. I went back to college and twice made the National Dean's List. He told me the first time "that and a quarter will get you a phone call" I didn't bother telling him the second time. I studied at Cambridge University. He didn't seem to care at all. I did hear him telling a nurse one of the other times he was in the hospital about his son, the college professor, but he was telling it to her in a way that sounded like he wanted the recognition.

Sadly, I'd soon have his approval if I traded in those accomplishments that I'm proud of for a pretty, fast car, a case of trophies and a career as a mechanic. Then maybe I'd have his approval. That brings some questions. Would I be living for myself or living for him? Would I be happy? Do I need his approval?

I'm not my father. I'm not about living for him or living in his shadow either. I'm my own person. I'm proud of who I am. I'm happy with my life. As long as I have that, I don't require his approval. I don't require him to be proud of me. Though it would be nice, it is certainly not needed. If he can't accept me for who I am, that's his problem, not mine.

OK, so I'm glad I got that off my chest, now for something else that has been eating at me.

Like I said, for whatever reason, I still care about him. I think it has something to do with the fact that he wasn't always like this. I try to keep that in mind, keeps me from hating him totally and reminds me that part of his problem stems from things like anger and depression brought on by his deteriorating condition.

I don't think he's really getting proper care from the doctor or the hospital. Yes, part of this is his refusal of tests and procedures, but it also has to do with the doctors and the hospital itself. He's nearly constantly being told he can refuse. No one tries to encourage him in any way. Me and my mother can't be there all the time. And there's some stupid things going on too. Like they will take an X-ray of his arm and after he's all comfy back in his room decide it's not good enough and want another one. I'm not doctor, but I know it doesn't take long for X-rays to develop. Wouldn't it be smarter to keep him there until they get the picture they want?

That's just an example. They complain that he's costing the hospital too much money. They are part of the problem. They want to put him in a nursing home. Hey, I'll agree it's not a bad thing for him, but he's got problems that need to be taken care of. I think I might need to go down there and raise a little hell on his behalf.

That's enough insight into my little world for now. I would appreciate some comments on this one.

Just a bit annoyed

Between the general stupidity of people at my work and my mother's self imposed martyrdom I'm going to wind up with a permanent dent in my head in the shape of my hand.

So my birthday...

...was just another day

For the most part.

Good day though. very light night at work. A local restaurant did bring the staff a considerable amount of food. I ate more than I should have throughout the night. More to work off after the holidays are over, but I'm not complaining. It was quite the relaxing night and I don't get many of those.

Some of the good people at TheologyOnline wished me a happy birthday, that was cool.

My mother bought me something, I don't know what yet. Haven't had a chance to find out.

I'm thinking back over the last year, it wasn't the best -

• An argument with my father resulted in me moving out of my parents' house again before I was ready. I wanted to finish out my degree.
• I moved twice and that about killed my finances for a while. The last move was into the ghetto.
• There's several more people that I used to call my friends that I will never speak to again. Many of them I doubt were friends to begin with. Acquaintances at best.
• I missed out on DragonCon.
• I missed out on a Crüxshadows concert.
• I didn't do any performing.
• I bought another car, only to have it breakdown on me.
• I couldn't get financed for the car I really wanted.

But on the good side of things -

• I lost a little more weight.
• I have my own place and it's all mine.
• I think I may have grown up a little.
• I'm in great health.
• I have a girlfriend that loves me and has stayed with me through all the bad stuff. She's been so loving and supportive too.
• Through hard work I got my finances back in order.
• I've made some new friends. At least one of which was very unlikely.

So I'm not totally bitter. I'm trying not to be bitter at all. I have some plans and goals before the next birthday -

• Go back to college.
• Get my girlfriend moved in.
• Lose more weight, I'd like to drop about 60 lbs.
• Get a better job.
• Move out of the ghetto.
• Fix the Escort and either sell it or start driving it.
• Get some work done on the Beetle.
• Spend more time practicing on my violin.
• Work more with music. I'd love to record something. Or at least perform an original work.
• Try to more closely follow Stoicism.

Looks like a lot, let's see what happens in the next year.

Something I never understood.

Why is it that when a Hollywood celebrity type comes out of the closet, the media makes a big announcement about it? Or maybe it's just the celebrity making the big announcement. Either way, what's the big deal? Who gives a shit?

I, for one, don't care who these Hollywood people are sleeping with. Am I alone in this? Do people really need to broadcast their sexuality to the world? I'm probly being a bit of a hypocrite in saything that, but I think if I ever got famous and people started asking questions the answers would gravitate toward "none of your fuckin business." Yeah it's pretty obvious I'm bi and that I'm a drag queen. But I don't think I make that big of a deal about it. I mean it's not on the 6 o'clock news, nor should it ever be.