Did you ever think that maybe you were selling your self short?

At your job I mean?

I've got a lot in the way of skills, talents and knowledge. Not saying that I have any clue as to what to do with it though. But still, I think what I know and what I can do is worth more than what I am currently getting paid. Sometimes I think I'd be better off being in business for myself rather than working for someone else.

Maybe it's because my night is off to a stressful start. Maybe it seems that every night I feel that my sanity is being gnawed away. Maybe it's because my chances of advancement or even getting a raise seem to be slim to never. Even if I were to leave where I am and work at another hotel, if I'm still an auditor, the pay is going to be the same if I'm lucky. Maybe I'm growing tired of what I'm doing and want to try something different. Maybe I just feel I could be doing something more. Or better. More rewarding in some way or another?

Honestly I'm not even sure what I'd do. I had this goal of being a teacher. I still do. I love teaching. I'm pretty good at it too. Teaching in a public school requires me to meet their requirements. I don't meet those requirements so the best I can get from the public schools is substitute teaching. I could look in to private schools, but most the ones I know of are attached to a church. Being an atheist, I'm not going to get a job at any of those. I guess there's private tutoring, I considered that once before, but it's not quite what I'm looking for.

At the least, right now anyway, I need something that pays better so I can put myself through college. But the same question still remains, what do I do? I mean if I were to start up a business for myself? Even if it were something on the side? I just keep thinking there's something more I can be doing, even with my spare time. At the least just to have a bit extra to make life easier to live. And pay for that degree that I want to finish.

I'm sure there's something I can do. If anyone that knows me well enough has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. I guess I'm just stressed out and rambling at this point. Been dealing with a lot of stupid and annoying people. I hate my job more than usual at the moment and this has been running through my mind.

I guess I just need to take some serious self-reflection time and seriously consider things.

Mom is home from the hospital, job search continues

She's not back to herself, but she's trying to make as little work for me as possible. I really wish my father would do the same. He wants to be lazy, have everyone do everything for him but won't go into a nursing home. Like he would rather make life hell for me and my mother. It's like he's trying to make himself weaker too. He can get around using a walker, but insists on using a wheelchair instead. He'd make a bed-ridden invalid of himself if he could get away with it.

In other news, remember that job interview I had?

Well, it didn't happen. I had to call and rescheduled due to my relief coming in 10 minutes late. Which caused me to miss my bus. And the next one was late. Yeah, got fucked over by both my job and public transportation. Not cool. And when I called and rescheduled I only got to talk to a voicemail. They never returned my call. I called again Tuesday, still no returned call. Really not cool. I don't think I would have gotten the job anyway. Too corporate. I doubt my current haircut and colour would have flown. And the last time I changed my look for a job I regretted it. I'd rather not do that again. Though I did meet some cool people so it wasn't all bad. Still when your boss seems to be more concerned about your grooming that how you do your job, something is seriously fucked up.

I'm still on the hunt for something else. Been thinking maybe it's time to do something that is not hospitality. Not sure what though. I've been a Help desk person, network admin, college teacher, substitute school teacher, mechanic, hotel desk guy, night auditor. I've done a lot. I'm not even sure where to go from here. I want to be a high school math teacher, but I need to finish my degree first.

I'm sick of dealing with stupid bull shit like what I had to deal with tonight. Why can't people just shut the fuck up when I tell them other hotel guests are complaining about their noise? And why do they have to tell me how much money they are spending? I don't give a shit. What makes people think that the amount of money they spend invalidates someone else's complaint? What am I supposed to do? Tell them, "I'm really sorry, the people that are keeping you awake spent more money than you so you are just going to have to put up with it." Yeah, I'm sure that will go over really well.

Sometimes I think it was wrong of me to go to a job fair

I went Tuesday morning. I think in this economy, I should be thankful to have not one, but 2 jobs. But I'm not happy with one of them and looking for something closer to home. Job fairs I have been to in the past made me feel at least somewhat optimistic. Lots of employers and not very crowded. This one was different. Severely crowded. Not many businesses there either. 3 schools more interested in recruiting students. Army, Navy and FBI recruiters were present. There was only 4 businesses looking to hire. I overheard a lot of people talking about how they haven't worked in months. I almost feel as if I would be taking a job away from somebody that needs one if I were hired on. As it is, one of the schools did seem interested in me. Then again, if I was hired by one of those places there, that would make my position at the hotel available.

So was it wrong of me to go there? Should I just be content with what I have?